


Take a Moment to Ask Yourself If This Is How We Fall Apart

by Hcterror



Category: HIStory 2: Crossing The Line
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Former Friends, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, Step-Brothers, Volleyball, Volleyball gays, Wu's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 16:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14193231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hcterror/pseuds/Hcterror
Summary: Wang Zhen Wu and Wang Zhen Wen were friend who became step-brothers, which turned out to be a problem in their relationship, especially when Wu started fearing that brother was started to hate him, it just took him some time to realise the real reason behind that.Note: This is basically the whole show rewritten through Wu's perspective, with a few flashbacks and a lot more scenes than they got in the show.





	Take a Moment to Ask Yourself If This Is How We Fall Apart

When you’ve been through so many things with someone it’s normal to worry that you might be losing them, especially when you feel them distancing themselves from you. It makes you start to think. “Is he starting to hate me?” Zhen Wu asked Yu Hao, but the question was purely rhetorical, he didn’t think his step-brother’s best friend would be able to give him a sufficient answer. Wu had his back resting against the wall and his gaze cast downward staring at the bottle he had in hand, he was delving in thoughts, trying to make sense of Wen’s recent attitude. His mind went way back, to when they were younger, just friends, not brothers.

 

_“Did you wait long?” Chang Li Qin* asked, one of his arms snaking around Wen’s shoulders. He had just left the volleyball training and his body was all sweat, which made the other male flinch away from him, escaping the embrace. “Why didn’t you shower?” He asked with one eyebrow raised as he stared curiously at Qin. The response came with a small smile and a shake of his head. “I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” Li Qin said, noticing how Zhen Wen averted his gaze and frowned at the response given. Chang Li Qin noticed he did that a lot._

“Who?” The sound of Xia Yu Hao’s voice brought Wu back from the land of memories. “My brother.” He responded, around whipping his head again. “What?” He should have expected something like that, but at least his friend was giving him his undivided attention, it was something. “I don’t understand why he thinks I am annoying.” He still treated Wen the same way as always; he was just a little more protective. “He used to be so close to me, but he joins the volleyball team he hates. I think it’s really weird.” A sigh escaped Zhen Wu’s lips. “What’s weird about it?” Of course Yu Hao couldn’t understand, he was not there, after all. “Why don’t you ask him?” Wang Zhen Wu couldn’t think of a worse suggestion. “But I’m not prepared to ask him,” He admitted, even though he kept the same expression, there was underlying worry in his eyes. “What if… I don’t know…” _He really hates me_ were the words left unsaid. “He is your younger brother! Just ask him!” He could have chuckled at that. Xia Yu Hao was really bold and direct, but Zhen Wu didn’t think it was the best way to approach the subject; it would only make his step-brother freak out.

 

After that Wu joined the volleyball team as well. He was no longer as passionate as he used to be about the sport, but he still liked it enough, and the past training he had, secured him a spot in the team. His main reason for that, was so he could still take care of Zhen Wen, and be around him. He didn’t really like the times when they were apart. Plus, being in the team meant Wen would have less chances of leaving without him, at least until he figured out why the boy who had always be so close with him now found him annoying. Wang Zhen Wu would start paying attention to his actions; if anything they could give him a clue.

 

-x-

 

The first few days in the team didn’t exactly go as Zhen Wu had planned. Wen would only talk to him when it was extremely necessary, and the rest of the time he would avoid Wu like the plague, and it was not for lack of effort on the older brother’s part. He really wanted to find out what was wrong with his brother, even if it didn’t really make sense to him why he was so desperate for answers. He couldn’t comprehend some of the emotions he went through whenever a situation related to Wang Zhen Wen happened. Whether it was a conversation, or something that had nothing to do with Zhen Wu directly. He felt like he had to be there at every moment, and know everything. It was his duty as step-brother, or so he thought. It was too blurry to know certainly.

 

Now as he stood in the locker room, listening to Zi Xuan deliver the news about their intensive practice during the holidays, he couldn’t help but think that maybe this could be an opportunity for him to try again. He would give Wen a few days’ worth of peace. The last few attempts were complete failures, if he could remember correctly.

 

_In the very day after he had the conversation with Yu Hao and joined the team, Wu tried to corner his step-brother and start a conversation. “Do you still feel annoyed by me?” There was uncertainty in his voice, and a vulnerability that sounded unusual even to his own ears. Maybe Zhen Wen was not the only one who had changed. “Yes!” The response was delivered in a curt and resolute way, leaving no room for argument or discussion. He didn’t want to talk. Since there was nothing else he could do, Zhen Wu left the other alone and went on to the practice._

_The next time he tried was as unsuccessful as the first one, albeit a little differently. They had been at home during this one. Wang Zhen Wen was sitting on his bed, legs crossed in front of him and a book in hand, studying, when Zhen Wu walked into the bedroom. he had a towel wrapped around his waist and another one resting on his shoulders. His chest was shining with water droplets that were yet to dry. “What are you doing?” He tried asking, grabbing the towel that was previously on his shoulder and using it to dry his hair. He knew the answer to that question already, but he wanted to ease his way into a deeper conversation by breaking the ice first and asking trivial things. Wen raised his gaze from the book to look at him, but he never responded the question. He seemed distracted. “Zhen Wen?” Wu’s features scrunched up in a small frown of confusion, but again, instead of getting a response, he earned himself a huff and a sigh. “I’m studying, don’t bother me.” He didn’t know if it was the light in their room, but he thought he could see some colour in Wang Zhen Wen’s cheeks. He didn’t think much of it and proceeded to get dressed, though he could feel eyes burning his skin with the intensity of their stare._

-x-

 

When Li Qi approached him, Wang Zhen Wu knew that he should have expected something like this to happen. Zhen Wen was good looking, more than Wu himself, so of course girls would try to use his older brother to get to him, which was exactly what Li Qi had been doing to him. She had been asking questions about Wen, about their lives, their relationship as step-brothers and many other things for the past few days. She was trying to win Wang Zhen Wen’s heart through him. If only she knew that their relationship was not the best at the moment. Despite all that, the thing that bothered him the most, though he never showed it to the girl, was that her feelings for Zhen Wen made him feel something weird. It was not jealousy, because he had no interest in Li Qi, but something inside of him didn’t like the idea of his step-brother being with her, so he never told him anything. And whenever he felt guilty about that, he could always use the fact that they were not exactly on good terms to ease his conscience, but it was only an excuse.

 

During the past few days Zhen Wu also noticed that Wen had been staying up late a lot. He was always still awake when Wu went to bed and already up when he awoke. It made him worry, and also still feel a bit guilty. Was it possible that this could be his fault? He knew they were undergoing exams week and that the other boy had many responsibilities with the volleyball team, but Wang Zhen Wu had never seen him push himself this hard before. He decided that the only way to be sure was to ask Wang Zhen Wen directly, even if the very thought of that filled him with dread and fear. He didn’t know how he would react if it was his fault somehow. All he knew was that he would to his best to make it up for Zhen Wen, no matter what.

 

The next day right after he was done with classes, Wu went to talk with Xiao Xiao to ask her to relieve Wen from his duties for the day. “Senior Xiao!” He greeted respectfully when he met her at her locker. “Wang Zhen Wu!” She offered him a smile, but he didn’t exactly reciprocate the gesture. He needed to seem worried for this to seem believable. “Something happened at home. Could Wang Zhen Wen and I be absent today? We need to head out first.” Although she seemed concerned, the girl made no question and instead just placed her hand on Zhen Wu’s shoulder, giving the muscle a squeeze as she nodded in agreement. “Thank you!” He headed out after that to go meet with his step-brother.

 

Wu found Zhen Wen in the restroom, complaining about the amount of work Xiao Xiao had given him in a soft voice. Wang Zhen Wu crossed the door right as Wen was leaving, making the younger one of the two bump into him. “Sorry!” He didn’t even look up at Zhen Wu when he said that, so Wu didn’t move out of the way until the other boy cast his gaze upward. “Oh… it’s you.” He had prepared his speech, so he didn’t let the unwelcoming words bother him. “There is something I would like to talk you about.” He adjusted the stripe of his bag when he said that. “Let’s head back together today.” Wang Zhen Wen refused to look at him, but this time he didn’t budge, he stood his ground. “I have an appointment with Xiao Xiao.” Thankfully that excuse wouldn’t work, seeing as Wu had already talked to their senior beforehand. “I told her that something happened at home, so we had to head out first.” Wang Zhen Wu didn’t leave room for argument, and he made sure Wen knew that by giving a small tug on the stripe of his step-brother’s bag before taking it for him to carry himself along with his own. He knew Zhen Wen wanted to argue, he even opened his mouth to say something, but Wu turned on his heels and started walking ahead. He knew the younger one would follow him.

 

When they were finally arriving at the bus stop, Zhen Wu turned his head, only to see that his former best friend was yawning. Wang Zhen Wen really seemed tired. He then waited until both of them were seated on the bench of the stop before bringing up the subject. He sighed deeply, and then, without looking at Wen, started his speech. “Recently, you have been avoiding me. Did I do something wrong somewhere?” There was a fair amount of fear and even some hurt in his expression. “Just let me know directly…” He took a short pause. “Don’t internalize them.” He was a believer that keeping things bottled up only made everything worse. Wu tapped his foot anxiously as he waited for Zhen Wen’s reply. He was yet to look at him, though, but when he noticed that the other boy was silent for too long, he craned his neck to look at him. He found Wen sleeping, and almost falling from the bench. Several options ran through his mind, he could try to wake Wang Zhen Wen up; he could let him sleep like that until the bus arrived. In the end he opted to wrap the younger man up in his arms as he was falling and let Wen’s head rest against his chest while he secured him. Zhen Wu didn’t know why he felt the need to do that, but he deposited a small kiss to the top of his step-brother’s head. It weirdly made warmth spread across his chest. In an attempt to get Zhen Wen to readjust his position more comfortably, he softly blew into the other’s ear twice. Then, when he was satisfied, Wu simply held him with a smile on his face. This gesture gave him a sense of belonging. It had been so long since he had last been able to be affectionate towards Wen. He could still remember the last time.

 

_They were playing video games in the Chang Li household. “Li Qin, help me defeat this boss.” Li Qin had just been waiting for that request. He had already beaten this game a couple times and from what he had seen on the screen, Zhen Wen was going about the strategy wrongly. The younger of the two was sitting on the floor and resting against the end of the bed with the controller in hands. Since Chang Li Qin was on the bed, he simply moved to where his best friend was and put his hands on Wen’s. “You have to attack it from the back.” He explained, finally resting his chin atop Wang Zhen Wen’s head. His fingers moved skilfully, pressing the buttons on the controller on time. He felt peaceful like that._

_They spent a couple more hours just playing like that. There were no worries and no dramas, just the two of them having a good time. Eventually Qin’s mother** told them to sleep. Whenever they slept at each other’s house, the arrangement was like this. One would have the bed, the other would have a mattress on the floor, but in the end they always ended up sharing the bed. This time was no exception. As soon as they were done with their nightly hygiene routine they laid in bed. Li Qin turned off the lights and then turned to lie on his side. Zhen Wen always slept in his arms._

-x-

 

The next few days, until the exams, passed like a blur. Most of Wang Zhen Wu’s time was spent between class, practicing with the volleyball team and studying. He didn’t have another opportunity to confront Wen about the cold shoulder treatment, but he couldn’t slack off with his studies. The whole team was counting on him and all of its members individually. He had to do well. The only free time he had he was cornered by Li Qi. This time the girl wanted him to give his step-brother a gift from her and tell him to call her. Despite the fact that he smiled and agreed to do exactly what was asked of him, the request threw him off. He didn’t want to give her gift to Wen, not more than he didn’t want Zhen Wen to call her or to date her, but he also didn’t want to make sense of these feelings he didn’t understand.

 

On the day of the exam things went smoothly, even under coach’s watchful gaze, and Zhen Wu actually had fun watching Wen and Yu Hao come up with their little victory dance to show the volleyball team once they got the results. Funnier than that was watching them perform it when the three of them announced that they had passed all of the subjects. He would have to admit that there was some second-hand embarrassment when he saw that none of the seniors had understood the purpose of the dorkish act, at least until Zi Xuan started chuckling and Cheng En made the others join the bandwagon. Probably, so they wouldn’t feel bad about the little dance. They were told to rest that day and meet back in front of the school on Saturday, which was a good thing, because Wu definitely needed the rest. He didn’t try to get Zhen Wen to talk to him that day.

 

_Everything was dark. Wang Zhen Wu couldn’t see a single thing around him, and all he could hear were the sound of steps, to his side, to his back, everywhere. His body kept turning, arms extended, he was trying to touch anyone, anything, just to get rid of this sense of helplessness. And then he heard Zhen Wen’s voice, it was softer and sounded much younger, but what triggered him was how aggravated it was. His step-brother was screaming and asking for help. He kept yelling Wu’s name, but Wu couldn’t see him, nor could he respond. Everytime he tried to talk, no sound would come off. He was mute, and it was making him increasingly desperate. Suddenly there was light above him, but he could only see himself and a part of the floor. It was completely white. Something caught his attention from the corner of his gaze. Another spot of light had appeared, and under it was Li Qi. The girl seemed to be looking directly at him; her beautiful features were contorted in an evil twisted smirk, almost as if she was mocking him about something. Maybe it was the wet marks on his cheeks from when he heard Wen’s screams. He hadn’t even noticed he had cried. The girl’s movements caught his attention again. Wang Zhen Wen was there beside her now. He wore the same expression from the day they found him after being kidnapped, disturbed and scared. Li Qi had a hand tightly wrapped around one of his arms, and it seemed like she was laughing now, as she started tugging on his step-brother’s arm. She was taking Wen away from him. Wu tried to run, to tell her to stop, but couldn’t move, couldn’t talk, all he could do was stay there and watch as the girl took Zhen Wen away and the duo started to fade into the darkness._

 

Wu woke up startled. There was sweat covering his forehead, and his heart was beating frantically against its bony cage within his chest. It was almost like the organ was trying to get out of his body. His first instinct, despite the apparent fear, was to get up from his bed and check on Wang Zhen Wen. The other boy was sleeping soundly, and it brought relief to Zhen Wu, enough so that he could start nursing his heartbeat back to normal through deep breaths. That had definitely been the worst nightmare he had ever had in his life, and perhaps that was what gave him courage to walk up to Wen’s bed. He didn’t really know what he was doing there, but he fixed the blanket that was almost falling from the bed, lowered his upper body to place a kiss on Zhen Wen’s forehead and then went back to bed. It was still dark, and he needed to sleep a little more.

 

-x-

 

On Saturday, at six in the morning sharp every member of the volleyball team was standing in front of the school with their bags, waiting for Zi Xuan to take them to the place where they would be practicing during the holidays, though He Cheng En seemed to be missing. Despite the early hour, all of them seemed to be in a good mood. They were chatting, making complaints and even occasionally cracking jokes. Even Wu himself didn’t feel so tired waking up at such ungodly hour. The Captain eventually joined them, though it was just when they were already arriving at the rented building. To their surprise, the coach was waiting for them at the door, and she didn’t look the least bit happy. The way she scolded them made Zhen Wu swallow dry and hurry inside the place like she had ordered. She could be very scary when she was angry. Not that she ever seemed to be not-angry, but some days it was worse.

 

The practice was even more intense than ever. Sweat was covering the entirety of Wang Zhen Wu’s body and he felt like he could barely keep up with himself anymore. He honestly didn’t think it would be this bad when they first announced they would be using the holidays to sharpen their skills. Ho Zhong Zhong was really merciless. That first day was literally the worst, but he enjoyed himself anyway. That is, until they were introduced to their sleeping quarters. The place was all dirty and the ‘mattress’ was almost as bad as the floor itself, but at least it was a little softer, so it would have to do.

 

As they were picking the puzzle pieces to use as mattress, Wang Zhen Wu saw his step-brother rushing to set his pieces beside Yu Hao’s. A pang of disappointment hit him, but he tried to conceal it. He should probably start resigning to his fate of being hated by Zhen Wen. But before that he would do one more attempt. “Zhen Wen…” The name rolled off his tongue weakly this time, and it was not like it made much difference anyway, his step-brother just ignored it and kept on working on his mattress together with Yu Hao, so Wu just left him be and went to set his own mattress beside the other guys from the team. He would give Wen the distance he wanted, but he couldn’t help stealing a few glances his way.

 

Everyone left to take a shower eventually, but since he hadn’t finished settling his stuff, Wu stayed behind. The only other person in the sleeping quarters was his step-brother, but he didn’t dare try to talk to him again. He would stay in his lane. That resolve lasted for a few seconds at most, because when he saw that Zhen Wen felt pain on his leg when he tried to stand up, he rushed to the younger boy’s side as fast as he could. “Are you alright?” His voice was laced with concern, and if given opportunity he would have checked Wen’s leg right then and there, but Wang Zhen Wen didn’t give him a chance for that. “I’m okay," was the response given to his question, and along with that, his step-brother flinched away from his touch and his care. Wu approached him again. “If you’re not angry, why would you say I was annoying?” The current state of their relationship was still bothering him, more so the doubt than anything else. “I randomly said it.” Wang Zhen Wu really didn’t buy that. No one said stuff like that randomly. He didn’t know how Wen could look him in the eyes and say that. “I don’t think you’re annoying.” Was he just saying that, because he thought that was what he wanted to hear? Wu didn’t know. “I wanna… train myself to be independent.” That one really confused Zhen Wu. “Independent?” He tried to pour all of his confusion into that question. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” That question only made him feel even more confused. “It takes time to date, so… I wanna be more independent or else you’re gonna get dumped because of me.” Wang Zhen Wen tried to escape after that, but Wu grabbed his arm. Could it be that Wen was talking about Li Qi? He could have come clean right there, explained that he didn’t have a girlfriend, that this was a misunderstanding, but somehow he couldn’t. It would entail telling Zhen Wen that Li Qi was actually interested in him. The rest of the conversation shed some light into his confusion. Maybe Wen was as scared of losing him as Wu was. He had another opportunity to come clean, but Wang Zhen Wu preferred to use it to reassure Zhen Wen that he wouldn’t lose him. “You are my younger brother. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He tried to give Wang Zhen Wen a hug, but instead was met with the pain of rejection. “I gotta take a shower now.” And this time he let him go, only accompanying his step-brother with his stare.

 

Once Wen was out of the room, Zhen Wu proceeded to rearrange the mattresses, pushing Yu Hao’s to the side, so he could insert his own beside Wang Zhen Wen’s, and between the two of them. He had to make it clear for Zhen Wen that even if one day he found a girlfriend, that he would still be the most important person to him. Wang Zhen Wen would always come first, no matter what. That night Wen slept in his arms, spooning like they haven’t done in a long time.

 

The following day when Wang Zhen Wu woke up, Zhen Wen was no longer sleeping beside him; also most of the team had already gotten up and were going about their morning routine. He tried not to think much of it. He should focus on the fact that his step-brother was not really starting to hate him, but rather worried that he would be replaced by some girl. It was really relieving to know that he was not hated by Wen, so he started his day with a smile.

 

-x-

 

A few days passed since the start of holidays, it was now already nearing the end, and although things were still a little awkward between him and Wang Zhen Wen, at least now Wu was not getting the cold shoulder, so he was thankful that things had gotten better, even if just barely. It was while they were resting in a break from the training that he felt the first spark of real jealousy, even if he couldn’t wrap his head around it. He was sitting on the floor beside Yu Hao, team jersey on his shoulder and volleyball in hands. He looked to the side in time to see Zi Xuan praising Zhen Wen and handing him a water bottle. Wang Zhen Wu didn’t know why, but he quickly got up and approached the pair. His step-brother just spared him a quick glance and then went back to talking to the team’s manager. He didn’t say anything at that moment, because the coach came back to make the announcement about their match against Ren He high school, so he went back to his spot beside Yu Hao and sat down to listen to her. He paid close attention to what was being said and then agreed when requested to be the Libero during the match. He missed Wang Zhen Wen’s proud expression. They went to practice after that, more intensively than before. Everyone was suddenly nervous all over, especially when they found out Zi Xuan had forgotten to teach Yu Hao the rules.

 

That evening after practice, Li Qi started texting him. She wanted to know if Wu had delivered her gift to Zhen Wen, which forced him to come up with an excuse as to why he was yet to do that. Truth is, he had many opportunities to do that, but he just didn’t want to. For some reason, he just kept pushing it back. Maybe one day she would forget? He had been so occupied trying to think of how he should respond to her that he didn’t notice Wang Zhen Wen approaching him. “What are you looking at?” His step-brother’s voice startled Zhen Wu and made him jump up into a sitting position, hiding the phone beside him. “What? Don’t look at it.” He didn’t know how much the younger of the two had managed to see before making his presence known, so he was a bit wary. He didn’t even look when Wen sat across from him to the side. “I thought you were watching videos.” His startled state didn’t let him worry that his reaction could possibly ruin the progress he had managed to make with Zhen Wen. He scratched his ear nervously and then softened his tone; he didn’t want to push the other boy away. “I’m not accusing you” His step-brother took that opportunity to lie on his side in front of him, head propped onto one of his palms as he started up at Wu. “So, your girlfriend’s name is Li Qi?” Wang Zhen Wen wore a smiley face, and somehow that made Zhen Wu’s expression all the more sour. Just how much had he seen? He tried to ignore the question, but he knew his reaction was off and that it was noticeable. “Since you are so nervous, it must be because you really like her a lot.” Wu felt tempted to admit that he didn’t like her at all, that he had no interest in her and never would have, but he kept quiet. He had averted his gaze, not looking at anywhere in particular, but the light slap to his shoulder made him meet Wen’s expectant gaze. “Don’t worry. We’re good brothers, I am not gonna fight with you.” Wang Zhen Wu resisted the urge to sigh. He was feeling too many things at the same time, and on top of it all was frustration. This whole situation was growing like a snowball. That is it! He was gonna come clean and put an end to this. “That’s not what I mean…” Narrowing his eyes, he allowed his teeth to sink into the skin of his lower lip. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Zhen Wen that Li Qi liked him. “I understand you.” The little punch to his chest caught Wu off guard. He was sure his step-brother could feel the way his heart was beating frantically against his chest. Thankfully the conversation came to an end after that. Wen went to get ready to sleep and Zhen Wu was left with his thoughts and a troubled expression on his face.

 

Wang Zhen Wu laid down after that, sighing to himself as he did so. The other members of the team kept talking and discussing tactics for a little longer, but eventually He Cheng En told them all to get an early night and turned off the lights. Wu closed his eyes instantly, but felt he couldn’t sleep right away. The conversation he had with his step-brother was still bothering him. He had plenty of opportunities to clear it all out, so why couldn’t he? Why? Why?

 

At first he only heard Zhen Wen tossing and turning on the mattress. It was clear that both of them were having a hard time falling asleep, albeit he thought it to be for completely different reasons. “Big brother…” Wu didn’t respond, he didn’t even move, he didn’t want to start discussing such matters again. “Zhen Wu…” It pained him to ignore his step-brother like this, but he felt too emotionally drained to have another round at the Li Qi subject. He just wanted to sleep and focus on the match they were having the day after. No complications, no trying to understanding what he was feeling, no Li Qi. Wang Zhen Wu thought Wen had given up on talking to him and went to sleep when suddenly he felt a blanket being thrown over him. It was Wang Zhen Wen’s blanket.

 

“Wang Zhen Wu, I like you.” The words caught him off guard, and he had to force himself to do everything in his power not to display any reaction. He could have been misunderstanding it. “Not the kind of like towards an older brother… It is the kind of like that stemmed from the jealousy of your girlfriend…” Wu’s breath caught in his throat, but he didn’t dare let it out, he was trying to put the pieces together. “…but you will never know, because I will not say it again.” Zhen Wu could tell Wen was crying by how strained his voice sounded and he took little pauses between each sentence. “Sorry, I am unable to accept you as my older brother… really sorry.” Wu didn’t know what to think, he wanted to turn around and hold Wang Zhen Wen, but he felt frozen, still trying to make sense of it all. “Only now am I able to return your favourite volleyball back to you…” Zhen Wu’s eyes opened both literally and figuratively as he laid there, biting his lips to the point he could feel the metallic taste of blood and listening to his step-brother cry. Wu himself felt like crying. This was not how things were supposed to go. He wanted them to go back to how close they were before their parents had gotten married, but not like this… Why was this happening now? They were brothers; they couldn’t be anything else… His eyes closed again, but his mind was spiralling out of control with thoughts. There were so many things to think about, but he just couldn’t, not right now, not so soon. He was still frozen, and in a state of shock. He was hurting, more for Wen than for himself, but how could he comfort the younger boy when he was a mess himself?

 

Wu didn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he expected to after the news he had received. He was sure his body would protest at some point. He just hoped it wouldn’t compromise his performance during the match. He couldn’t let the team down, because it was the only thing giving him any sense of control. Nothing else made sense anymore. It was all a blur of pain, worry and confusion, yet he couldn’t help but think how much worse than him Wang Zhen Wen was feeling and that only increased his own pain. The scene kept replaying in his mind the whole time, and he caught himself wanting to confront his step-brother about it several times, but he never did, he couldn’t. What would he say if he didn’t even know what to do, what to think. Thankfully he had the match to serve as distraction.

 

-x-

 

The loss didn’t bother Wang Zhen Wu as much as it did to the others. He had more concerning things at mind to worry about, like how he was finally going to confront Zhen Wen about his confession while they walked to the school. Ever since they left the building after the game, Wu had been walking on ahead. It was clear that he was stressed and he didn’t even attempt to conceal it. Eventually he stopped in his tracks and turned back to face Wen. He could feel his own confusion reflected in the way his step-brother took a step back and stared at him. “You… why are you heading backward?” Zhen Wu ignored the other boy’s startled look and stepped closer. “Yesterday I…” He was interrupted by Li Qi. The girl literally came out of nowhere. “Zhen Wu, how come you never answered me?” Flashbacks from the night before hit him again, and he suddenly felt much stiffer. “Why are you here?” Perhaps he had been a bit harsh, but Wu didn’t want the girl anywhere near his step-brother, especially right now. “I’m waiting for you guys right here.” More than anything, now he regretted not having responded to her text. If he had responded, she wouldn’t be there right now. “Are you Li Qi?” Wang Zhen Wu sighed internally. He hated the huge grin on the girl’s face, but he was more worried about how Wen would react when the truth came out. “You know me? Must be your older brother mentioned it to you, right?” Wu turned his back on them, he didn’t want to hear this conversation, nor did he want to see his step-brother’s angry expression when Li Qi explained things. “Well… yeah, in a way.” Not looking at them proved not to be a good idea after all. “Then, did you receive my gift?” His head whipped quickly to look at Wen, he could see confusion there. That seemed to be a common expression for them nowadays. “Gift?” Zhen Wu averted his gaze again, but even then he could feel Wang Zhen Wen’s questioning stare burning his skin. He took a couple steps away from them, though his heart felt heavy despite him not knowing why. “I’ll wait for your answer… See you tomorrow at school.” This… anticipation, it was hurting. “Thank you!” Wu couldn’t even respond the girl, he knew what was to come, and he could feel himself frowning. “What gift?” Oh, how he dreaded that question. He didn’t respond, he needed a little cooling down. “Hey!” Without meaning to, Wu slowed down, allowing Zhen Wen to catch up with him. “What’s going on?” Wang Zhen Wu knew that there was no way he could avoid explaining everything now, but… but he… he was feeling too much right now. He felt like Li Qi had just ruined everything for them. He took a step closer to his step-brother, mouth opening, and ready to tell him everything, but he gave up on it last second. “So what?” He didn’t want to do it there, in the middle of the street, so he took hold of Wen’s hand, guiding him to the school’s rooftop, where he hoped no one would interrupt them. He kept nibbling on his lip the whole way there.

 

Wang Zhen Wu didn’t let go of Wen’s hand until they had reached their destination. He didn’t really know how to start this conversation. He still felt too conflicted to form coherent thoughts. He didn’t look at Zhen Wen when he started explaining how the whole Li Qi story begun. “She approached me a few weeks ago…” Wu took a deep breath before continuing, his gaze was solely focused on the grey afternoon sky. “She would always talk to me, ask me how I was doing, and make small conversation, requests…” He averted his gaze and looked at the ground instead, teeth sinking onto his lower lip once again. It was a bad habit of his, it seems. “At first I thought she liked me… but then she started making weird questions about you.” Zhen Wu sighed softly, recalling the dialogues in his mind. “She would ask me what things you liked, what you hated, if you had someone you liked already, and… and I did nothing to stop her from getting her hopes up.” He finally looked at Wang Zhen Wen, but the younger boy had his back turned on him. “Just before the holidays she asked me to give you a gift and ask you to call her, but I didn’t.”

 

Wu noticed that Zhen Wen didn’t say anything while he gave his explanation. The younger of the two just kept staring out at the horizon, almost like he was processing all the information. Wang Zhen Wu couldn’t blame him. “What exactly are you trying to tell me?” Zhen Wu lost no time to clarify this time, even though he thought that he had been clear enough. “The person she likes is you.” The words left his mouth with a bitter taste, bringing up a bubbling sense of anger… or maybe it was jealousy. He couldn’t pinpoint. He turned away from Wen to avoid his gaze. “The person that she is interested is me?” Why did he have to keep repeating those words? Couldn’t he tell it was making Wu feel worse? “That’s right!” His voice sounded much angrier than he wanted, this was not directed at Wang Zhen Wen, but rather at himself… “Then what about all those things that I’ve seen?” He turned his head to avoid the other’s gaze again. “Nothing, really.” He hated this conversation. “When I misunderstood her as your girlfriend, why didn’t you say something?” Why didn’t he? He had no idea, but he knew he deserved that punch, and even more, if that’s what Zhen Wen wanted to do. “When I accidentally saw your phone, why did you get mad?” The anger resurfaced inside Wu. “Do I have to say it?” How could he say something he was not sure of? “If you don’t say it, how would I know what you are thinking about?” Both of them were angry now, voices had been raised, and it could easily get out of control. This right here could be exactly how they fell apart. “I don’t want you to know that someone likes you!” Once again the words came out angrier than he had intended, all due the pent up frustration. He took a step forward, and Wen took a step back. They were still apart. “Why?” Wu could feel Zhen Wen’s resolve faltering. “I don’t know…” And he was really being sincere. He didn’t know why, and it was what frustrated him the most. “Do you know that you’ve gone too far?” Wang Zhen Wen sounded hurt now, but in Zhen Wu’s current state, he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty. “I… I am the one who has gone too far?” He regretted those words the moment they were out of his mouth, but there was no taking it back now. “Never mind… forget what I said… I need to head back.” Wang Zhen Wu could feel Wen’s hurt, but he could not let him go, at least not until they resolved this.

 

“Give me some time, so that I can think this through.” He roughly grabbed Zhen Wen’s arm, an attempt to keep the other there. Perhaps it was not the best call, because not even a second later the younger male tugged his arm back. “What’s there to think about?” And they were back to the heated talking, and their pent up frustration coming off through words. “You and I… the thing between us.” Wang Zhen Wu dropped a few octaves with that sentence. He… maybe he was starting to understand. “What’s there between us?” This time it was Wen who used Zhen Wu’s tactic of walking and avoiding eye contact as he nervously scratched the nape of his neck. “I heard what you said yesterday…” Wu saw his step-brother freeze immediately, and then turn slowly to look at him. “What do you mean by you heard it?” For some reason, Wang Zhen Wu felt a surge of confidence. “Everything.” He wouldn’t let Zhen Wen go, wouldn’t let him escape and push him away, so when he tried to leave, Wu brought him to his arms, stopping Wen there. “Can you give me a little more time, please?” He was not sure of his feelings just yet, but what he knew without any doubt was that he didn’t want to live a life that didn’t have Wang Zhen Wen in it, a life where they avoided each other, a life where he couldn’t give him affection… The response came unorthodoxly through a soft touch of hands, and suddenly Zhen Wen was hugging him back. That was when Wu knew he had made the right decision. His arms tightened around Wen, and he just kept the other boy there in his embrace, enjoying the sense of belonging he only ever felt when he held the other in his arms.

 

-x-

 

That evening, when they got home, the pair had another heart-to-heart. There were still a few more things they needed to clear before they could be at peace of mind. Thankfully for them, the parental units were not home when they got there, so they could talk without the fear of one of them eavesdropping on the conversation. It would bring a whole new layer of drama that Wang Zhen Wu was sincerely not ready to face yet. He still felt slightly overwhelmed with the revelation that Zhen Wen had feelings for him, even if it seemed that, he too, had feelings for the other boy. Wu decided to lock the door of their bedroom, just for safety, and then he proceeded to join Wen on his bed. His step-brother still seemed a little upset. Hesitantly, he extended his hand and gently cupped the side of Wen’s face, lifting his chin, so their gazes could meet. He knew it was the right call when he saw the other smile, albeit weakly. “I… I’m still not sure what my feelings for you are.” Zhen Wu started, his hand dropping from Wang Zhen Wen’s cheek to travel down they other’s arm, where at the end their fingers were linked together. “We are brothers, and… we shouldn’t be like this, but I know now that would make us unhappy.” Wen was staring intently at him, just listening to Wu open his heart. “I don’t know what we should do, I just don’t want you push me away… I want to be close to you, like before… but more.” It seemed like those were the right words, because Zhen Wu felt pressure in his fingers, meaning Wen was giving them a reassuring squeeze. “We don’t have to decide now… We are still young.” Wu, whom had looked down at their intertwined digits was now looking back up at his step-brother, listening to what his solution to this was. “We should just do what makes us happy and leave the rest to time.” Wu saw Wang Zhen Wen smile at him once again, this time fondly, and so he smiled back.

 

The following few days brought a new sense of awkwardness between the pair. Wang Zhen Wu could feel that Zhen Wen was more anxious than normal, but at least he didn’t go back to avoiding Wu or anything like that. The worst part was actually when they met with Li Qi the day after match. The girl seemed happy and expectant, and also so sure of herself. Zhen Wu made to leave to give them a sense of privacy, so Wen could talk things out with her, but his step-brother had a different opinion on that apparently, because he tugged on Wu’s hand to keep him close and in place. “Li Qi…” He heard Wen saying, and then the other boy sighed, continuing what he wanted to say. “I can’t accept you… I already have someone I like.” Differently from what Wang Zhen Wu was expecting, the girl didn’t react as badly as what he would see in series. Li Qi seemed a little upset, yes, but she still smiled at them, her head held high. “Zhen Wen… I hope she will make you happy.” The girl graced then with a little wave and then quickly stalked off in the opposite direction from them. Wu genuinely hoped she would find someone to take care of her; she seemed like a good person.

 

After that they didn’t experience any heavily awkward moments, they were more concerned about easing their way back into how close they used to be before, even if now that line was blurred. Zhen Wu, of course, was still not sure of the feelings he held for the other yet, but one thing he knew, it was stronger than anything he had ever felt before, and so he was happy simply getting to spoon Wang Zhen Wen at night, or hold his hand, or even just be in silence together in the same place. His happiness was resumed by that, having both his proximity with Wen and volleyball back in his life, even if the former was still an unlabelled thing. Some days they would still experience a bit of a drawback, things couldn’t fix themselves so quickly, but both of them were willing to put in the effort, so that was what really mattered. He could still remember the first few touches they shared, though.

 

_It was the first weekend since they got back to being in good terms with each other. They were both lying on Wu’s bed, barely even awake. Sunlight was coming from a crack in the curtains. Zhen Wu had a small fond smile on his face as he looked at the mess that was Wang Zhen Wen’s hair. Wu was laid on his side, spooning the other boy, while Wen was on his back, chest heaving up and down slowly with his breath. The lighting in the room was dim, but it made everything all the more beautiful in Wang Zhen Wu’s eyes, so almost instinctively he brushed his lips against Wen’s, whom quickly shied away from the exchange and rolled to his side, pressing his face against the crook of Wu’s neck, bringing a smile to his face. “Good morning.”_

_The second time it happened, they were both fully awake. Practice had been exhausting and they had a literature book to read for school. Zhen Wu’s back was resting against the headboard of his bed, his legs were spread open with Wang Zhen Wen resting between them and against his chest. He held the book in one hand, reading it loud enough for only the two of them to hear, so it wouldn’t bother the rest of the house’s occupants. The story was not really the most exciting, it was dramatic and full of clichés, but he couldn’t say it was bad. As time passed, Wang Zhen Wu felt Wen growing restless, so eventually he closed the book and put it down on the mattress. “What's wrong?” The question was entirely too genuine, he really was concerned as to what could be bothering Zhen Wen. “Nothing.” He had already expected that kind of response, and as he had guessed, his step-brother had sat straighter and was not looking at him. Much like that first time, he gently cupped the other boy’s chin, slowly turning his head to meet his eyes. “Tell me… please.” Wu had expected Wang Zhen Wen to clarify what was wrong then, but he didn’t, so instead both boys were caught up in a staring match that gave no room for actual conversation. Their faces were close, too close, enough so that he could feel nervousness oozing off of Wen. Their hearts seemed to be beating rapidly, and in pace with each other. When the movement finally came, it was hesitant. Zhen Wu’s hand tightened its grasp and gently started pulling Wang Zhen Wen’s face closer. They kept staring from each other’s eyes to their lips, until the distance between them was finally closed. It was just a soft touch, but it made the world lose its entire colour, it was like there was only the two of them in the entire universe. It was an explosion of sensations and it made warmth spread all throughout Wang Zhen Wu’s body until the only thing he could feel was where Wen’s skin was connected to his. When they pulled back from the kiss, Wu added one little peck more and then returned to his previous position, leaning against the headboard of the bed, book in hand and Zhen Wen against his chest._

 

-x-

 

The school’s rooftop became their spot. It both brought back memories and gave them a sense of privacy that was necessary for this early stage of their relationship. It was still something new and perhaps even fragile, so it was best to avoid the judgement, at least for a little while. There they could be themselves, they could hug, they could cuddle, they could talk and feed each other and no one would say anything. Sometimes Yu Hao would join them up there and they would contain themselves, but he never stayed for long, for some reason. Wu didn’t really know why, though, but he figured it probably had something to do with Zi Xuan. That day was no exception. Wang Zhen Wu was standing beside Zhen Wen’s sitting form, feeding him the remnants of the lunchbox he had bought for them. Their friend was a little further to the side, looking angsty and frustrated as he leant against the edge of the rooftop, staring ahead. “Hey! You guys have made peace with each other?” Both Wu and Wen looked at Xia Yu Hao, but Zhen Wu let his other half do the talking. “He knew it, but the problems are still unsolved.” That was true. There were still many loose ends in their relationship. “But we had an agreement to let the time to solve the problem.” Wang Zhen Wu smiled at the memory. “What do you mean?” Wu kept shifting his gaze from one to the other, happy in just observing the exchange and how he couldn’t see any trace of judgement in their friend’s face. “The way we treated each other made us unhappy, so we decided to do what we like and do the things that will make us happy.” It was a bold move, with so many possibilities of going wrong, but Zhen Wu wouldn’t have chosen it any other way, and that was clear by the way he placed his arm around Wen and grinned at Yu Hao. “Just leave the rest to the time.”

 

“So you guys still bury your heads in the sand?” Wu understood the metaphor, so this time he took the lead in the explanation, face acquiring a more serious expression, despite the light mood surrounding them. “We’re still trying to face it. After all, some things need time to clear it. Right?” The question at the end was aimed at Wang Zhen Wen and coupled with a closer half-hug until the boy stood up. After that they began talking about Xia Yu Hao’s situation with Zi Xuan, and how they were still not in speaking terms ever since the night before the match against Ren He high school. In the end their friend vanished from the rooftop, claiming that he was about to be blind. “Why is he about to be blind?” Wen asked as Wu wrapped an arm around his neck. Zhen Wu had actually gotten the meaning behind Yu Hao’s words, but still he just grinned, without offering any clarification. “I don’t know either.” He then placed a little kiss to the side of Wang Zhen Wen’s head, taking pleasure in the fleeting display of affection, though he was surprised when the other boy actually placed a peck to the corner of his lips. It was the first time Wen initiated a kiss between them, so Wu was a little startled, but at the same time he wanted to appreciate the moment, so he just kept staring at his loved one and grinning. He couldn’t imagine himself ever being this happy with anyone else but Zhen Wen. No matter how difficult their journey would get, he decided he would face all and everything to keep Wang Zhen Wen by his side for as long as the other wanted. This would be their happy ending.    

_*Chang Li Qin was Wang Zhen Wu’s name before he took Wang Zhen Wen’s family name._

_**I assume it was Wu’s mom that married Wen’s father, since in the end he took Wen’s family name. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong._


End file.
